When it comes down to it, most men are simple creatures. We typically have a short list of needs and wants compared to our female counterparts. Why is it that women tend to misinterpret what men want? Smacked Silly takes a look at common phrases that get lost in translation somewhere between Venus and Mars.

Phrase: “I need a strong woman. A woman who can be a lady, but take charge when necessary.”

What he’s really thinking: “I need a woman that doesn’t need me to do everything for her. A woman who can handle herself, because most girls are too clingy, too needy, and too indecisive.”

What females hear: “I like authoritative women who can to take control of my life and tell me what to do. I prefer my woman to make all the decisions, because I am unsure of what I really want. I need a smart woman who is tough and will challenge me on everything, because I’m usually wrong about things.”

What’s the lesson learned? “Strong” means independent and able to do things on your own. It doesn’t mean bossy, dominating, or confrontational. And no man wants a second mother.

Phrase: “I need to get out with the guys tonight”

What he’s really thinking: “I love my woman, but she gets on my nerves on occasion. Especially game-day. Sometimes I just need to get out with the guys, have a few beers, catch the game, watch a few nice asses walk by, and when I come back I will be recharged and feel better about our relationship. The truth is, I’m lucky to have such a great woman.”

What females hear: “I am not satisfied with my woman. I am going out with my boys because my woman is boring, and not as hot as she used to be. Me and all my boys will spend all night talking shit about our women, while hitting on everything on a skirt that walks by. We will probably end up at the strip club making it rain and rubbing baby oil all over exotic women. I don’t care that she is at home by herself, because I am selfish and an asshole. Me and my boys will be sad and depressed when its time to go back home to our terrible relationships.”

What’s the lesson learned? Some times a man just needs space, don’t look into it too much. And unlike women, us men do not sit around and talk about our significant others all night. Really….we don’t.

Phrase: “I think we are moving too fast”

What he’s really thinking: “Whoa. This chick won’t give me a second to breathe. She just keeps pressing me and talking about marriage and kids and all that stuff. I’m not sure I am ready for that yet. We have only been together for six-months. She’s cool, but I’m not sure if she is the one. Maybe if she backed off a bit, and played it cooler, than I would be more into her. She’s smothering me. I told her several times that I really like her but I’m starting to think she is borderline psycho. She’s way more into me than I am into her at the moment, but that could change if she plays it cool.”

What females hear: “What I need from you is to back off for two weeks, then press me even harder. Better yet, give me an ultimatum, with a time limit.”

What’s the lesson learned? Meet in the middle. Fellas, don’t be afraid to commit if the feeling is right, and ladies need to know that love is gradual and natural process, not something that is forced or rushed.

Phrase: “I do”

What he’s really thinking: “Yes! Now I can stop taking this girl out every week, shit is killing my pockets! No more chocolate and flowers either! And now she has no excuse not to cook and clean every night either! I love my wife!”

What she’s really thinking: “Yes! Now I can stop working out, because I fucking hate going to the gym. He loves me, he won’t mind if I pack on a few pounds. I’m so happy, because now I don’t have to go down on him anymore either! I love my husband!”

What’s the lesson learned? No matter how much you prepare for marriage, it never quite works out as planned. However, with love and compromise (the hard part), a relationship can last forever (50 percent of the time).

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Tagged with: dating-tips, relationship advice